The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
