I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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