his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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