we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
