I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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