My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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