opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
