dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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