drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
