My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
