moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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