I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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