you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
