That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
