First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
