I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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