i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
