Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
