maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
