He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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