Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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