I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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