She announced her abortion via fbk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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