Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
