u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
