you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
