i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
