Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
