Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
