Whod you bang
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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