there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
