; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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