I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
