Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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