the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
