i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
