omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
