I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
