Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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