i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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