Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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