I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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