I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
