Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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