happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
