I wish my penis had an off switch
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
