like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
