I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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