You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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