you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
