I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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