Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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