You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
