i just had sex bonerless
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
