my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need a shit load of segways right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
