Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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