i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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