What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
