meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
