saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
