He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sext me about skeletons
I had to cum in my sink.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
