she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
