I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
