Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
