What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
