It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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