since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
