I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
