just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize