Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
