So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i now understand why vodka
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize