Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
