Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
