Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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