I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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