Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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