I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your cock deserves a montage
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
