My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
