i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
