The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
