Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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