I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm passing your future prison.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
