i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
third nipple confirmed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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