he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
