omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
