I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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