don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
