Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
