Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
