oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
