Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
