it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
