totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
