apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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