Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
porn star boner night. come get it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
