so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
