Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
