I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
