I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
